Razorblade
by Bitch Slap Love
Summary: Summary: Shikamaru is reminiscing about his life as he finally let’s go. AU PWP Slight!NejiShika Slight!ShikaIno Angst!Shika Shika!Centric


Disclaimer: Do not own them.

Title: Razorblade

Summary: Shikamaru is reminiscing about his life as he finally let's go. AU PWP Slight!NejiShika Slight!ShikaIno Angst!Shika

Warnings: Yaoi Cussing PWP (Kinda)OOC AU (Real World) Angst!Shika

Couple(s): NejiShikamaru ShikamaruIno

Written By: Shino

Inspired By: The song Razorblade but Blue October. :cough: BOW TO THEIR MIGHTY GREATNESS:cough:cough: Ho, and I just read my crap-tacular first 'finished' fan-fic; Puppy. WHY DID IT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING:cough:

Comments: Yes :cough: I know that there is practically no capitalization in this. I did it on purpose. :cough: I don't use names in this and it was confusing me so I only capitalized 'He' for Neji, 'She' for Ino, the last line and a few other things that didn't relate to Shika. It makes more sense to me now :cough:cough: I hope it helps ya'll ;; And did you know it is really hard to not capitalize anything:cough: Jesus.

_Noise_- is, well, a noise in the story.

_Lyrics_ (centered) – people in story are listening/can hear it.  
**Lyrics** (centered) - put in fer moi amusement. (AKA, they can't hear it)

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Razorblade

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**In the day by day collision  
****Called the art of growing up  
****There's an innocence we look for in the stars  
****To be taken back to younger days  
****When there was no giving up  
****On the people we held closest to our hearts**

"mommy?" the small boy looks up; brown eyes full of innocent naivety. "why isn't daddy movin', no more? and why are you crying? mommy, did shi-chan do sumpin' wrong?" tears start to prick the edges of his eyes. "if shi-chan did sumpin' wrong he's sowwy." he reaches up and rubs at his eyes. "shi-chan did'in mean, too! shi-chan 'ill 'pologize when he, mommy an' daddy go home! o-kay? just make daddy get up!" "SHUT UP!" A hand hit him across the cheek and he feel to the ground. "mommy?"

**Yeah it is you that I remember in that glowing  
****It is you that took my first away from me  
****It is you I set my standards to... to every walk of life  
****I haven't met another you since you were with me.**

"Let's go." Held out is a hand and he slowly raises his eyes. he doesn't think he can stand. it hurts to bad to move, let alone walk. but . . . he has to or else He will leave him behind. "Are you coming." Another hand flicks long black mussed hair away from a feminine face. "Don't tell me that was too much for you. Or maybe it was your first time?" Lips curl in a smirk and light eyes dance with amusement. "o-of course not!" he snaps back, trying to force his legs to work. it would be easier to nail jell-o to a tree.

**A brief bout with a razorblade cut me  
****I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me  
****I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me  
****In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done**

the stinging brought tears to his eyes and a small pained noise ripped from his throat. he watches the red slide down his wrist. he pauses for another millisecond before slashing at his wrist again. and again. and again. over and over. knowing that if he stops he won't be able to do it again. then, his hand is to shaky to hold the blade, and it falls to the floor, red splattering, staining carpet. why is he doing this? no one cares either way. his mother will laugh. his friends will laugh. his lover . . . He will laugh and force him to do it again, in front of him.

**In a way, I failed religion  
****I spit the wine from mouth to cup  
****And I reached for something more than just your God  
****Uncle, you spared not your children  
****And while your praying hands are up  
****There's no forgiveness for you! You sick fuck!**

"father, forgive for I have sinned." he starts; regret slowly creeping into his system. why is he here? "Go on son. I'm here to listen and not judge. For this is the Lords house and only the Lord can judge on that faithful day of reckoning." damn, he had paused to long. but that just proved the theory that someone did indeed sit on the other side of the screen. "uh, well, first, i want to be forgiven of my, um, gayness? er, homosexuality." he heard the other person shift on the other side of the screen. "Go on." The voice sounded tight, restrained. "and for my multiple suicide attempts." why is he telling all this to a strange man? "and for disobeying my mother." why won't he shut up? "and for being a Satanist all those years." the door the led into his 'sitting area' flung open and an elderly man grabbed his shoulders. "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!" his shoulders are shaken roughly and his head repeatedly hits the wall. "hey! oi! stop- ow! it! bastard!"

**It is you that I remember in their bedroom  
****It is you that took their first away from them  
****It is you they set their standards to  
****You wounded them for life  
****You were a preacher and suppose to be above men**

his eyes flick back and forth. not knowing who to follow. both are leaving him. both aren't turning around and telling him to come. both are above him. both are though with him. both have used him. both have broken him. but, one stops and a blond ponytail swishes as the head cocks to the side. Blue eyes land on him, lips turn up in a smirk and then she is walking again.Facing forward. away from him.

**Sing with me**

his voice is too raspy. he can't sing if his voice is gone. and if he doesn't sing. he can't get money and his mother would have a fit. maybe he would help. He said he would help at anytime. but how do you get help from a dead man?

**A brief bout with a razorblade cut me  
****I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me  
****I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me  
****In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done**

he is proud of himself. he finally conquered his fear. he is standing on top of the bridge looking out at the water rushing under it. People are gathering around him. People he doesn't know trying to coax him down. But He's telling him to jump. Saying that He knows he won't. But, He is right. he won't jump. he has another plan. he slowly turns, not wanting to fall and ruin his show. this is the last time he'll perform for anyone. let alone for Him. She is grabbing his pants. telling him She's sorry and not to let it end this why. he smiles and reaches into his pocket, hand curling around icy metal. Uniformed men are pushing their way through the mass of bodies. he retraces the small gun and as they reach Him. The soft click seems to slow time and the cold metal digs into the under side of his chin. and for his last act he will Show Everyone Why Angles Deserve to Die.

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. . . :giggle: That was fun.

The 'angels deserve to die' thing made me giggle. :cough: Man I wish I had that song on my comp. Good song. :sniffle:

:cough:cough: What's up with me and Angst!Shika? I mean fur-reel. :cough:

The priest part made me giggle also. Hrm . . . This made me giggle in general. :smiles:

:cough:cough:

Now, maybe I should update some of my stories . . . hrm . . . Naw. P

:cough:

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